Sunday Morning Sermon!

Disclaimer right off the bat... I do not want anyone to think, I don't believe in God.  It's just that I think, well, maybe whoever his transcriptionist was, may have had a drug problem!

There is a thread happening on my real life facebook wall about the subject.  I'm a farmer's daughter so I've always wondered if it rained for 40 days and 40 nights and covered the earth, how much did it rain an hour.

Simple math question that no one has ever been able to answer.  Evil Joy and I were chatting on line last night and she was sure that Dr. Evil could figure it out.  I was so excited that I posted on my wall the answer was coming after all these years.

That of course, brought the Major right out of her chair.  She's all science and math and shit.  She posted a serious and heartfelt comment about the science of it all.  I got as far as.

Really a moot point don't you think? Since the amount of water on earth never actually changes (evaporate, rain, freeze, melt, evaporate, rain, etc.) in order to have enough water on earth to rain that much you'd need a completely different environment.

and I knew I would be lost.  Kid is way smarter than her ole Momma.

anyway.  I got to thinking about all the things I have read in the bible, and how it doesn't fit with my reasoning.  I decided right there (since I'm a huge Judge Judy fan)  if it didn't make sense, it didn't happen and maybe God should have had a drug testing policy.

Here's some of the things that don't make sense to me.

• #1.  Asking for forgiveness and accepting God, will get you in to heaven.
•           A.  Ok, I'll go, but first there better be some rules.
•                   a.  The child molesters and murders better be segregated in heaven.  If they are not   forgiven by their fellow inmates, I do not believe they should get to be forgiven by the child's parents.  I would not want to live in that neighborhood.  Just saying.. would not be safe being the person that got the house between little Mary's Dad, and the Dude that murdered her.  Not fair that I would get caught in the cross fire.  
•                    b.   Divorced couples should not have to live in the same neighborhood.  Trust me, If you put me in heaven with EX2, there will be some bad juju in heaven.  So, if he gets to go to heaven, and I get to go to heaven. He has to have another country.. kk?

•                    c.  If we all get to heaven,  there better be internet!

Next.  About the whole who's right and who's wrong thingy.  When we get there, if I get there I want to know WHO is going to be in charge.  If there are politicians in heaven, and in hell it's the survival of the fittest,, I'm going to have to think this one over.  I'm pretty fit.  I stand a chance of survival in hell.  However, if heaven is run by politicians, I'm kinda screwed right off the bat.... so I'll really have to think about this.  I own HAZMAT supplies and two fire suits.  I'm really thinking my chances are better in hell..

Next.  If there is no laughter in heaven about religion, then please.. find me another place.  I'm perfectly willing to roam the earth as a ghost for the rest of my eternal  life.  It seems to me people who are super super religious fanatics are just too damn miserable.  Ghost on the other hand, have a lot of fun.  I'd be the fun ghost.  I'd be the one that throws the party in the middle of the night.  I'd invite all my fun ghost friends.  I'd be the one that makes you think you need go to an AA meeting, cause you wake up every morning to a trashed house.  I would be the ghost that convinces you that you are having booze black outs.

Here's my last issue.. well it's not my last issue on the subject but it's the last one I'm telling this lot about..

I was born in wedlock.
My child was born out of wedlock
Her child was born out of wedlock.

Which means...  I really haven't killed anyone,, so I may get to heaven.

According to the bible.. my next two generations are bastard children and from the start,, they are screwed. no heaven for them.

If I go break a few of the commandments.. can I go where they are destine to go?   Cause well, we have the 12 mile rule.  I can't live any closer than that from them.. but I'm not living any further than that from them..

So, that concludes todays Sunday Sermon,

Off to church we go, we must find the answers..

Hugs, smooches.. rock it solid.. get a sense of humor about religion... and DON'T SPILL YOUR DRINK ON THE WAY TO CHURCH...

 
no Christians, atheists, Scientologists,Buddhist, or Agnostics were injured or sacrificed for this post!  However, their feelings were pry hurt a little.  

Dear God,
I know you have a sense of humor.  I know you see the humor in this post.  Please forgive me for hurting their feelings.  
Amen
Deepest respect and honor
Judy Susan.

ps.  if their feelings were hurt, please keep peace in Heaven by not putting in them in my neighborhood.  thanks tons.